The Greatest Idea for a Business in the History of Great Ideas

I pee a lot, and sometimes in my pants. I have three children, and the last one was 10 days early and still weighed 10 pounds and one ounce. This was not so great on the bladder. I pee my pants when I laugh, cough, sneeze, experience temperature changes, or think about peeing. After I pee my pants most often I can be found telling my friends on Facebook that I just peed my pants. So, it is a vicious cycle of peeing and cell phone use. This is why New York City was an issue for me. There are no places to pee in NYC, and if you do find one, it is up or down two flights of stairs. I spent a great deal of my time staring at a stairwell saying, “Mother fucker, you’ve got to be kidding me.” This normally led to a fit of laughter between Kara and me which then lead to more peeing. It was at the one hundredth time that I faked being pregnant to illicit symphony and access to a first floor bathroom that “Pee Soup” was invented.

New York has a lot of tourists and those tourists spend a lot of time taking pictures and posting them to social media which drains a cell phone battery pretty quickly. These same tourists need to pee and eat. So, why not create a café that serves soups and sandwiches, has free Wi-Fi, cell phone charging tables, and nice first floor bathrooms. This is the greatest idea in the history of great ideas; I just don’t see how it can miss.

Here is the basic plan:

The food will be a mix of fancy grilled cheese sandwiches like caramelized onion and goat cheese on sour dough or jalapeno and pepper jack on a pretzel bun. Of course the standard grilled cheese sandwich will be offered as well. Soups and chowders will also be offered, seasonally, of course. There is still some debate as to offering chili. It seems that some people do not think chili falls into the soup category. I believe that these people have mercury poisoning and may be a little mad. Gourmet donuts will be on hand for desert.

Each table will be equipped with outlets to charge cell phones or laptops. If you do not have your charger, one will be available for purchase. Pee Soup will also be a great place for people who need a quiet place to work or study due to the available free Wi-Fi.

The very best part will be the bathrooms. If you have purchased a meal or charger from Pee Soup, of course you may use the bathroom at any time, but if you are a local, business person, or a tourist in town for a while, you may opt for the PeePass. Similar to the Metrocard, but instead of pay to ride, it is pay to pee. An attendant will be on duty to make sure the bathroom is clean and to make sure the pee cards are functioning properly.

This type of business will really only work in large populated regions. Paducah is not really an option as we have many public bathrooms and cars where we can charge our phones. I think that we will start with just one restaurant and maybe expand from there. After becoming mildly rich from this venture, Kara and I are purchasing an apartment in the EastVillage so that we can eat at “this little piggy had roast beef” no less than once a week.

I have only visited New York once and I loved it. I have only visited Chicago once and I loved it. I have only visited Raleigh once and I loved it. You may see a pattern here. I love cities and interesting places and I want to explore and see more of them, but I also want to be able to pee.

These things should not be exclusive to one another.

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